During these unprecedented times, the covid pandemic, so many people have experienced; loss of loved ones, loss of jobs, structured routines, and self eventually leading to increasing numbers of people turning to alcohol to pass the day and cope with drastic change. This has been potentiated by the government terming liquor stores "essential dispensaries" and open for business. Newly sober again myself, I have seen people in my own support group, return to drinking and drugging. Yet, staying sober during Covid has been easier, I had accountability to the children at all times. Nobody left the house, we were together always. I had thoughts from time to time to pick up because I didn’t want to feel smothered, scared, or responsible. To numb out would be easier, it seemed. I didn’t, instead I prayed or called people, attended Zoom meetings or just looked at my feet and remembered I want this. I now understand I took relationships for granted, especially the kids. They would always love me and be with me, right? This is until CPS came knocking on the door. A scary reality check. This was bad. But fear fades, my disease lingered on the sideline while another attempt at getting sober to ultimately drink again. Over the years many scares occurred car accidents, police chases, DWIs times three, jail, probation, bar fights and blackouts but the fear  eventually was forgotten and I drink again many times. Precious moments and memories were lost, prayers not said, lessons not taught, tender moments turning into slamming doors and hurt feelings. All along I felt self-righteous, selfless, and self loathing. I remember when I got sober in 2001, after DWI number three, I went to jail, got divorced and I moved back in with my parents. With no license my father drove me back-and-forth to work everyday. The memories I have of our talks, I was awake and alive. I listened to his stories and we laughed until we cried! I got married and sober again with many happy memories. Yet my addiction took hold again, as life got good and meetings became less of a priority. Out I went thinking no one would know. I lied to myself and others. My disease pushed to new boundaries for my addiction is one of those punch you in your face then kick you in the teeth types. Pain and suffering I can tolerate and I expected others to keep up or at least stand by me. That’s another lesson which continues to grow in my relationships. They are a two-way street however I need to continue to love and respect myself first. I needed to look at myself again and recognize that I can change. Acceptance of the past but not dwelling there, work the steps, and focus on sobriety and I would a reborn. I have hope today for the future and I pray that I stay sober one day at a time.